Returning to work after experiencing the challenges of Functional Neurological Disorder (FND) was a daunting prospect. I faced a myriad of fears that I needed to confront head-on. It wasn't just about resuming my career; it was about finding the strength to work in a world that often doesn't understand the intricacies of FND.
Confronting My Fears of Work with FND
The fear was palpable. I worried incessantly about having an episode while in session with a client. The thought of my client panicking in such a vulnerable setting terrified me. Work stress became a dark cloud hanging over me, with the constant worry that it might trigger FND flare-ups.
But what scared me the most was the nagging doubt that I had lost my touch as a therapist. How could I effectively engage in talk therapy if there were moments when I couldn't talk, walk, or even move? It felt like my career might come to an abrupt and premature end.
A Pivotal Moment in Supervision
One morning, I attended my supervision meeting – a necessary step in my journey back to work. I'd been receiving supervision to ensure I was well-prepared for my return, even though I didn't know when that would be. It was during this meeting that I found the courage to voice my frustrations and fears about what I perceived as insurmountable barriers.
To my surprise, my peer and supervisor responded with compassion and unwavering support. They gently pointed out something I had been blind to; the perspective I held for myself was rooted in ableism. This revelation shook me to my core.
How had I, an advocate for accessibility and equality throughout my career, internalized this ableism? It was a tough pill to swallow. I realized that I had allowed this internalized ableism to shape my self-perception.
Owning My Story and Embracing Vulnerability
The conversation that day opened my eyes to the need to own my story. Instead of concealing my illness and hoping it would disappear while I stayed in the shadows, I decided to share my journey with the world. I used my platform to talk about the parts of my story that I was ready to be open about.
This was a pivotal turning point. I began to reimagine my identity and my niche in the world of therapy. The process was incredibly liberating. Owning my story and allowing myself to be seen just as I am became a powerful source of strength.
Finding Connection and Growth
As I embarked on this new chapter of openness, I discovered the immense power of connecting with others who faced similar challenges. Sharing our experiences and offering support created an exponential spiral of growth and confidence.
I learned to pay attention to my moments of frustration, seeing them as signals that change needed to occur. Frustration became a catalyst for connection, and connection became a wellspring of resilience.
In the face of my fears and the uncertainty of returning to work with FND, I found not just a renewed sense of purpose but a profound transformation. I discovered that my journey, though fraught with challenges, had the potential to inspire and empower others.
Redefining Success and Purpose
Returning to work with FND taught me that success isn't defined by an absence of obstacles but by the ability to navigate and grow from them. My purpose as a therapist evolved into not only helping clients but also being a beacon of hope for those facing similar health challenges.
Every session, every interaction, and every moment of vulnerability became an opportunity to shatter misconceptions about FND and redefine the boundaries of what's possible. I realized that my journey was not just about returning to work; it was about reshaping the narrative around chronic illness and resilience.
Embracing the Journey
As I continue to work and evolve with FND, I've come to understand that the path to healing and growth is not linear. There are still moments of doubt and fear, but they no longer paralyze me. Instead, they serve as reminders of the strength I've gained and the community I've built.
To those who find themselves at a similar crossroads, contemplating a return to work while grappling with chronic illness, I offer this message: Your journey is uniquely yours, and it's okay to be afraid. It's okay to have moments of doubt. But don't let those moments define you.
Embrace your vulnerability, own your story, and find strength in connection. Your journey, no matter how challenging, has the potential to transform not only your life but the lives of those you touch. You are more resilient than you know, and your purpose is boundless.
The road may be uncertain, but with each step, you're rewriting the narrative of what it means to live and thrive with FND. Your story is a testament to the power of resilience, and it has the potential to inspire countless others on their own journeys of healing and self-discovery.
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